


The Night of a Thousand Lydias

by TheLadyGrim



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: A hoard of Lydias!, Crack, Horror, Humor, accident with console commands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 03:32:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18380108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyGrim/pseuds/TheLadyGrim
Summary: Lydias. Lydias in the water, Lydias on the roads, Lydias dropping down from the trees…this was how the world would end it seemed, not by Alduin’s fire or the Doomstrider’s wrath but by a plague of Lydias across the land, their weight would throw off the tilt of Nirn’s axis and we would all go spinning into the void…





	The Night of a Thousand Lydias

“Lydia?” Kasia Kelvolunkier, Dragonborn, Thane of Whiterun and Falkreath, Champion of too many Deadric Princes and best friend of Inigo the Brave, trotted around Lakeview manor frantically searching for her absent housecarl. Lydia had always been a bit, well, absentminded. But when the women had, without any warning waltzed off into the frozen tundra of Winterhold by herself, wearing a full set of the finest Dragonbone armor Kasia could craft…well it was unexpected but at the time there had been more pressing matters to worry about, now however the Dragonborn was home, and she wanted answers.

“Lydia,Lydaia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydaia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia,Lydia.”

“LYDIA!” a hint of thu’um shook the house, rattling dust down from the rafters and sending poor Inigo into a sneezing fit, _Note to self: when I find Lydia tell her to clean the damn house…_

“what do you need my Thane?”

The missing housecarl stood at the top of the steps, leaning over the railing, her expression perfectly blank.

“WHERE IN OBLIVION HAVE YOU BEEN?!” the house shook again and Inigo tapped her gently on the shoulder, “My friend, volume.”

Kasia sighed and tried to pull herself together, “Where have you been?”

“hhmm?”

“Where. Have. You. Been?”, that’s when she noticed that the Dragonbone armor, armor she had spent hours crafting and improving, wasn’t present. “And where is your armor?”

“hhmm?”

Kasia threw up her arms in disgust and turned to tromp back down the stairs, “Grab whatever you guys need for the next few days, we leave in five minutes.” _I need to kill something._

Five minutes later, she and Inigo waited at the front door. “My friend have you noticed anything…odd about Lydia?”

“She ran off and managed to lose the armor I made her, if complete and unfathomable stupidity is odd for Lydia then-.”

“Yes, but what I mean is she’s not saying ANYTHING, Lydia’s idiocy is usually quite vocal.”

Hmm, that, that actually was true, Lydia was slow but typically she followed orders well, it was only when she attempted to THINK that you could tell that she really…couldn’t.

It was at that moment that the housecarl came down the stairs, her pack full and still wearing what Kasia had come to think of as her ‘default’ outfit, a set of steel Nordic plate that Lydia wore while relaxing, sleeping, bathing…the only other thing she’d ever worn was the Dragonbone  armor. Which she apparently still hadn’t found.

_Sigh_

“Okay, are you guys ready to go?”

“I am always with you my friend!” Inigo’s enthusiasm never failed to warm her heart, but this time it was dampened somewhat by Lydia’s silence and offputtingly vacant stare. _What is wrong with you?_

Kasia opened the door, still contemplating Lydia’s unnervingly blank visage when she heard Inigo let out a blood curdling scream. Looking up in concern Kaisa’s blood froze at the sight before her. For as far as the eye could see a sea of Lydias stretched, blanketing the mountains and spilling into the river below. Distant screaming could be heard in the direction of Riverwood and the world seemed to burn as light glinted off a thousand suits of steel plate armor. A thousand pairs of blank, vapid eyes gazed at the Dragonborn as a thousand throats intoned in lifeless syllables, “what do you need my Thane?”

To Kasia it seemed that she and Inigo stood at the center of Oblivion. “Inigo…get ready to run.” The army of Lydias stared toward them, a chorus of hhmms rattling the trees like a fell wind.

“FUS RO DA” The front line of Lydias was lasted back but  more still came, a never ending wave of armor and dead eyes.

“FUS RO DA, FUS RO DA, FUS RO DA.” Kasia could feel blood start to trickle down her throat, the force of her shout straining her vocal cords and bruising her windpipe. Dragonborn she may be, but the human body could take only so much.

This apparently did not apply to Lydia however, as the fallen housecarls simply got back up and continued marching forward a chorus of yelps ringing out, “Don’t do that!” as Kasia raised her sword and prepared to cleave through the oncoming hoard, rage sparking in the Lydias’ eyes at the rushed forward as one “I’ll kill you if I have to!”

Kasia frantically slashed and hacked, blasting Lydias back whenever she could all thought of strategy and finess gone from her mind, terror consuming her, consuming her like the hoard of Lydias would when she stopped fighting…

She nearly beheaded poor Inigo when he grabbed and shook her, “It’s no use Kasia! Run! RUN!”

They stumbled through the seething hoard, slashing left and right, uselessly beating back the oncoming tide, everywhere they turned though there were Lydias. Lydias in the water, Lydias on the roads, Lydias dropping down from the trees…this was how the world would end it seemed, not by Alduin’s fire or the Doomstrider’s wrath but by a plague of  Lydias across the land, their weight would throw off the tilt of Nirn’s axis and we would all go spinning into the void…

At long last they found a cave, a wretched little crack in the ground that smelled of skeevers and dirt, but that was blessedly, mercifuly Lydia free. They huddled in the darkness listening to the endless tramp of feet above when suddenly…

“My Thane?”

Inigo and Kasia screamed, clutchiing at each other as out of the darkness stepped…Lydia.

This Lydia though, this Lydia seemed different, whole in a way the others did not…and she was wearing Dragonbone armor.

“Lydia?”

Kasia gapped at her, “What, where have you, how have, what in Oblivion is going on?”

Lydia just shrugged, “Don’t know.”

“But where have you been!?”

She seemed to think about it for a moment before shrugging again “Somewhere.”

“BUT WHERE?!”

Lydia just shrugged.

“Kasia listen.” Kasia looked over at Inigo “Listen to…?”

And that’s when she realized how silent it was, the tramp of feet above them had stopped.

She and Inigo looked at each other, “Do you think it’s safe?”

He shuddered, glancing over at Lydia nervously “We found the original…I think. Perhaps it’s over now?”

Taking a deep breath Kasia strode toward the cave entrance, Inigo following close at her heels and Lydia toddling behind them, apparently completely uninterested in whatever was going on.

Outside not single sound could be heard, silence reigned, evidence of the hoard was everywhere, trampled grass and felled trees marking the wake of their passing, but not a single Lydia was to be seen. In the distance the first rays of the morning sun began to peek over the mountains, night had come and gone while they huddled in the cavern, and a new day was dawning on a bright, single-Lydia world. They were safe.

Later that morning  she and Inigo sat around a table in the Bannered Mare, the strongest alcohol Hulda offered clutched in shaky hands as they stared at each other. Upstairs Lydia was sleeping, safely tucked into the inn’s bed, the door bolted securely behind her.

“Inigo…”

He shook his head, taking a big gulp of his drink; “My friend I don’t know what took place this night, but let us not speak of this ever again. Even in my most skooma addled dreams I never-“ he shuddered, unable to continue and they both took a long pull of the alcohol, draining their tankards before motioning to the barkeep for more. Behind them the front door of the inn slowly creaked open and Inigo screamed.

“what do you need my Thane?”


End file.
